Never Too Attached

Ever worried about being too attached to someone? Attachment theory declares that a firm no. Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Therapy, said this in her book, The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, regarding secure attachment and independence, “The more securely connected we are, the more separate and independent we can be.” Which basically poses that secure attachment to someone inherently helps make people feel more comfortable being independent, going to do their own thing, having their own opinions, because they trust that their relationship is secure. That “too attached” feeling is usually a strong fear of that relationship ending and being abandoned, and so the quality of the attachment needs to improve to support feeling more secure, but the attachment itself is good. So love freely! It’s the fear that needs to be addressed.

“The more securely connected we are, the more separate and independent we can be.”

~ The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, by Sue Johnson