Married to Our Unfinished Business

“We all marry our unfinished business. We all marry our mothers and fathers. And in our closest relationships, we become our mothers and fathers.” Terry Real puts into words wisdom many of us have heard before. We might argue, pointing out how little our partners share in common with our parents, but what he means is less literal. He’s referring to the way that we behave around them, their patterns of dealing with life, with conflict, with you. Perhaps you felt never good enough for your father, as he always held high standards. You are likely to have found a partner that also expects a lot from you, and you likely feel like you let them down. This is why when your partner brings up a task you haven’t done, you get more upset than the situation calls for. You were reminded of that core wound: “I’m not good enough”. This is why when people have issues within their relationship, therapy helps!

“We all marry our unfinished business. We all marry our mothers and fathers. And in our closest relationships, we become our mothers and fathers.”

~ Us: Getting Past You & Me to Build a More Loving Relationship, by Terrence Real