The Case for Being Visible
Why Putting Yourself Authentically Out There is Important
Recently, I went to a networking event over at La Madeleine in Chandler (near McClintock Road and Chandler Boulevard). At first, I was a bit unsettled, because I often fear my ability to put on a professional face. That isn’t because I lack in any way as a professional, it is more that I dislike having to “sell” my services to someone. It can feel really inauthentic to me.
Yet I still went to this event because in order to let more people know about my services and what I have to offer, I need to be visible. I have heard it sometimes reframed as trying to show up where the people you are great at helping are looking. It is helping those people looking for someone like you actually find you. Plus, I chose to go to this event because the money we pay to attend goes to a voted upon local charity, so it feels like at the very least, I am contributing to a good cause, and that connects with my values as a person, which does feel authentically me.
So where are people looking for me? An internet search is often a common place to look for someone search online. They usually end up on a directory like Psychology Today, and can get overwhelmed with the large number of choices. This is where many people talk with family members or friends for recommendations. Then they might also reach out to their doctor, because mental health is still health, and maybe their doctor knows which direction to point them in.
It is scary though when looking for a therapist, because you want to make sure you are going to feel safe with them, and that they can actually help you. This is why it so important for therapists, like myself, to show up authentically, because it helps people decide whether or not we are a good fit!
I am not going to be a good fit for everyone, so this is good if being authentic makes some people turn away! That saves us the trouble of getting to know each other over a few months and realizing that it isn’t going to work between us. I want people who are looking to work with me to already feel comfortable with who I am, so that way it takes less time to build trust, and then we can get to the more vulnerable points of therapy with ease.
What does that look like for you? I see a similar process needing to happen for people seeking out friends and romantic relationships. We are all so afraid of being authentically seen for who we are because we don’t want to be rejected. Yet being rejected is important. It saves us the heartache of being rejected later when the connection isn’t working the way that it needs to. By being authentically yourself, you are allowing others to assess your fit with more honesty, reducing the amount of time wasted for both of you. We can’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but we are just perfect for the right people.
Like I shared at the beginning, the task of putting yourself out there is daunting. However, if you aren’t visible, the right people won’t find you. You need to just be present, out with people, where people who would like you would also be present. If you are a creative soul, maybe you show up to a painting class. Those who love imagination and chaos might enjoy participating in a tabletop gaming group. Sporty folks might connect with others in a bar or on a sports team. Those who enjoy reading might connect with others at a book signing or a book club. Show up, be present, and be yourself so that the people who would appreciate you can find you!
If this sounds overwhelming for you, it might be a sign that therapy could help. I work with people through these feelings all of the time, helping to heal those past injuries to our self-esteem so that you no longer take it personally when others don’t want to connect with you. We get you to a place where you love yourself enough to see that you don’t need to please everyone, that you are perfectly fine the way that you are.
