Taking on Blame for Self-Protection

Renowned professor and author, Brené Brown, famed for her contributions in the self-help world surrounding shame, has written, "Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.” Now why would we do that to ourselves? Why would we pick apart every little imperfection when we are already feeling badly about ourselves? It is out of a desire for future protection. Let’s say there was a malfunction at a factory. It stopped production, made a really bad mistake, and was something the owners definitely didn’t want to happen again. They would sit down and go through every detail it, as if looking through a magnifying glass, to figure out what went wrong. In finding out what went wrong, they can figure out how to prevent it from happening again. When we get hurt, we don’t want it to happen again, and often come to inaccurate conclusions about ourselves, making us feel more prepared for future pain, or giving us a sense of control, fooling us into thinking that we can prevent system pains by hiding ourselves in a certain way. We falsely determine that we are the “something wrong”. Therapy helps us notice that this is happening and aids us in figuring out how those assumptions about oneself were formed. Once we know how those core beliefs were formed, we can better decide whether or not there was an injustice or an abuse that needs to be grieved (and therapy helps us through that), or if there is actually something needing to change in our lives.

"Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling.”

~ Brené Brown