Therapy for Perfectionists
To be a perfectionist doesn’t mean that you are actually trying to achieve perfect, it’s getting caught up doing everything you can to avoid feeling “not good enough” – a feeling that you probably encounter a lot as a perfectionist
If you’re constantly falling short of your impossibly high standards, second-guessing your decisions, and feeling anxious about failing, you’re not alone. You might already know that, but really, many people feel this way, whether they actually achieve a lot in life or not. Perfectionism is a protective armor— created within you to keep you striving, producing, and appearing put-together. But underneath that armor is often fear of the self-doubt, guilt, and the despair that follows when you feel not enough.
You might find it hard to rest without guilt, celebrate your accomplishments, or feel worthy unless everything is done flawlessly. Even small mistakes can feel like personal failures. And when you try to slow down, your inner critic gets louder—because stopping feels like opening the floodgates to shame.
Signs You Might Be Struggling with Perfectionism
Difficulty starting things unless you know you’ll succeed
You have trouble finding a new hobby
You can’t bring yourself to try out cooking a new recipe
You avoid committing in a relationship out of fears that you’ll “mess everything up” eventually
Procrastination or burnout from trying to do everything “just right”
It feels better to blame poor outcomes on not having enough time rather than allowing yourself to try your hardest and still fail
You go through cycles of being a star employee and then eventually needing to quit because the job takes too much out of you now
Harsh self-talk and fear of disappointing others
You have a hard time accepting compliments (and may even be suspicious of others when they are given)
You undersell yourself so that no one expects much from you
You feel the need to tell everyone your flaws in order to not feel like you are deceiving others, and so they “get it” when you make mistakes
You might pride yourself on “keeping your word” even when it is really not convenient to do so, and when other people would probably understand if you didn’t
Anxiety around being evaluated or making mistakes
Supervision meetings with your boss, or annual reviews make you tense for days, and usually end in tears
Games are fun as long as you are winning, but you end up not wanting to play them when around others who are more skilled than you are
Making art to give someone (or worse, sell to someone) terrifies you – in fact, you might even hate creating art!
Learning how to drive took a while because you were constantly afraid you were going to do something wrong
Feeling like your worth is tied to your achievements or productivity
Losing a job took a serious hit to your ego – you might be on edge in every job since then
You’d say your top strengths include: smart, hard-working, helpful, etc
It’s hard to relax, because there is so much to do, and if you don’t do it, you feel like it says something bad about you
An employer that uses awards, praise, or keeps tabs on your individual productivity measurements really gets a lot out of you – likely to where you overwork yourself
The Hidden Cost of Trying So Hard
Perfectionism might look like “having it all together” on the outside, but inside, it is exhausting. You probably tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with trying your best and continuing to push yourself – but you know that this is more than that. You end up rejecting your own needs for so long that you are unsure who you are outside of your roles or accomplishments. It affects your relationships, your mental health, and your ability to enjoy life as it’s happening—because life rarely ever gifts you more than a few moments of “perfect”. YOU get neglected.
This kind of pressure doesn’t come out of nowhere. Often, perfectionism is rooted in old patterns you had used to survive and maintain a sense of dignity— created in places where love or safety felt conditional, or where you learned that being “good” helped you feel in control. Therapy offers a space to help you realize in your core that you aren’t still stuck in those unsafe situations, empowering you to start moving towards a life where you can relax and enjoy everything that you choose to work hard for.
How I Help
I work with perfectionists to uncover the deeper layers behind the pressure they carry—gently exploring where these patterns began and why they’ve felt necessary. We’ll identify the parts of you that push for constant achievement and the parts that fear failure, and together we’ll get curious about what they’re trying to protect.
I often integrate:
Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) to process the emotional roots of your perfectionism quickly and effectively—especially if it’s tied to past experiences of shame, rejection, or pressure.
Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) to help you to clear out any deep-rooted associations your mind has made where you feel like your best isn’t enough - freeing yourself from the dreaded “shoulds” and “have to” feelings keeping you stuck.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help you better understand and work with your inner critic, the perfectionist part of you, and the other more vulnerable parts they are both trying to protect.
Sandtray Therapy when words feel limiting—allowing for creative, embodied exploration of the pressure you carry and the identity underneath it.
I know, every hard-working perfectionist worries that if they heal, they won’t work as hard, but healing in therapy doesn’t mean lowering your standards or becoming lazy. What it means that as you heal, you’ll find your motivation is more intrinsically driven (aka, you work hard because you want to - because it excites you) rather than being driven by fear. By the time therapy is done, we want you to get to you know in your gut that you don’t have to prove your worth—you trust that you already have it.
What It’s Like to Work Together
In our work together, you won’t be judged for the parts of yourself that are tired, overwhelmed, or scared to let go of control. We’ll move at your pace, balancing emotional insight with practical support. You won’t have to hold everything together in our sessions—and for many people, that alone brings a huge sense of relief.
You’ll gain:
Clarity around where your perfectionism comes from
A more compassionate relationship with yourself
Space to reconnect with what you actually want—not just what’s expected of you
Relief from long-held feelings of “I’m not enough”
A partner in accountability – making sure you actually put yourself first
You Deserve to Feel Proud Without the Pressure
You don’t have to keep pushing just to feel okay. It’s possible to soften the voice of your inner critic and still feel confident, capable, and grounded. Therapy can help you shift out of survival mode and start living in a way that actually feels good.
It’d be a great privilege to help you get there.